I Want to be Alone

Photo Credit: trubluboy

I am cranky today. I admit it. My husband is trying to be sociable, asking me questions to show he is interested in me and my day. I do not want to answer these questions. I want quiet. I want to read by myself, and write by myself. I want, in short, to be alone.

Christine Lavin wrote a funny song about this desire, and in the end decides being alone eventually becomes being lonely, so she thinks better of it. I will, too. But right now, a world without another person or animal craving my attention, affection, help, or action seems wonderfully attractive.

Why should this be so? The world, it seems, is made of introverts and extroverts. I've known this ever since I took the Myers-Briggs Personality Profile  in college. My results showed me right on the introvert/extrovert line, leaning slightly toward introversion. I usually don't notice how this affects my personality until I have a lot of time either alone or with others. This week, I've had to be "on" a lot in business. Seeing lots of people, many of them new faces, trying to remember all the relevant facts you need in business interactions--names, details, running your words through a filter to be as congenial as possible. 

It left me drained, even though I usually find working with people rewarding and energizing. So this week, I come home, craving the quiet I expect with my also-introverted husband. . .and he's been alone too much. He wants to talk. He wants to connect. He wants interaction. He tries to be funny. I struggle not to snap at him.

Is there a lesson, or an encouragement, to be pulled from this limited time of tension in the Green household? Here's what I've gleaned:

• People need what they need. Trying to be happy and cheerful in the face of demanding (or even not-so-demanding) patients and spouses and friends will only have limited rewards. If it's downtime you need, make some downtime. If you can't take a day and a book and head to your bedroom, then take 15 minutes in the middle of the day and run away, or go for a walk. Take five minutes and hide in the bathroom, if that's the best you can do. Take some time to be alone. Close your eyes. Breathe deeply. Recharge. Repeat as necessary.
• Realize it could just be you. When I was younger and people got on my nerves, I immediately assumed that the people were irritating, or intentionally pestering me. Now I realize that the attention I want to flee today is the same attention I usually crave. It is not fair to my husband, or the patients who have the right to expect a friendly demeanor, to blame them for my state. Situations like these are exactly the reason that self-care is so important. If you don't give yourself what you need, you aren't the only one who is miserable. Anyone within earshot--or in this day and age, within Facebook, Twitter, or e-mail contact--will be affected by your bad mood.
• No one is perfect, and you can only expect so much. My crankiness reminds me that other people will not always be predictable and friendly, either. Whether illness leaves a friend feeling less than one hundred percent, or a serious stress distracts a server at a restaurant, we live among humans. Cutting each other some slack is part of our job as fellow beings. So smile and give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

Thankfully, Jim has found a book to read, and I am (almost) happily typing away, immersed in my own writing world. Tomorrow I will probably want to grouse about not going out, and not being around people for an outing. For tonight, I will get ready for bed, and curl up and sleep, or sit and stare at the ceiling and think, or find a book and read--any activity that only needs me. Being alone, or being allowed to not interact with the wonderful person who shares my life, will allow me to recharge my body and soul and be ready to embrace the world and my husband again very soon.

How can you tell that it's time for you to regroup and get centered? Please share in the comments!

Chinese Medicine and Stress

From stock.xchang

Stress, stress, stress--everyone has stress! We spend our days hunched over computers, worrying about money, and time, and work, and whether we remembered to turn off the stove. The dilated pupils and raised pulse that are reactions to stress are designed to protect us from danger, giving us the option of fight or flight. However, modern stresses are rarely solved by running or hiding. Instead, our bodies' natural defense system confuses our endocrine system, puts pressure on our heart, and upsets our digestive systems.

Chinese medicine has been around long before cell phones, computers, and triple-shot espressos, and it has a lot to offer our stressed-out world. We see stress symptoms as a combination of blocked energy and a wearing down of our reserves. Chinese medicine treats these symptoms using a combination of herb and food therapies, acupuncture and bodywork, and lifestyle suggestions. Here are a few of the ideas we use to treat stress:

The Dirty Little Secret. . .

photo credit SheCat

Life is messy. It rarely works right, and most things you try will go wrong the first time. Learning something new is frustrating, and skills take time to develop. People will disappoint you--repeatedly. Sadness is a part of existence, and happy times will not last forever.

Ok, go out and enjoy life!

No? Ok, then let's say a little more. I am a self-help junkie. I have been about self-improvement since I was little. Somehow, I missed the memo that says people don't start out perfect at anything. I got discouraged and quit when I did not show instant talent for music, sports, and the world of fashion. I avoided things that I didn't immediately master, and missed out on a lot of fun and useful skills and experiences. 

The books I read were very linear. Their format: 

A Typical Acupuncture Treatment

Here is a quick description of a typical acupuncture treatment in my office. Each acupuncturist has their own style and way of doing a treatment, but for those who are curious, this post will give you some thoughts on how a treatment goes.

Defeat Depression

Photo Credit: Neadeau

I spent most of my childhood and young adulthood depressed. Some of that time, seriously depressed. I didn't know it; depression runs in my family. I thought it was normal to have a few weeks or months every year that I just toiled through, barely functioning. I didn't realize that apathy, hopelessness, tears, aches, pains, and difficulty making decisions should not be constants in life.  I was not suicidal; I just wished--often and without telling anyone--that I could go to sleep and never wake up. I was so tired of fighting.

I'm not depressed now. I get down, and there are tendencies I may always fight, but I want to live. I have goals, things to do--and people I want to help. I'm not on any medication, and have used a multi-faceted approach to deal with depression at the first sign of trouble.

If you are depressed, do whatever it takes to get out of it. If your road to mental health involves medication, do it.  For some people it will be a temporary choice, for others a permanent one. Do whatever will let you share your gifts with the world.

Here are the things I have done and continue to do to fight depression:

It's All About Integrity

Thanks to Krappweis for the photo.

Twice a year, I do an inventory of my life. I look at what's been working, what isn't working, and what steps I can take to fix things. Reading that sentence, I am impressed at how proactive I am. The reality is not quite as nice.

Until now, my inventories have been pretty informal. I'm a big-picture sort of gal, and coming up with all the specifics of how to track goals, and how to break down goals are not my strong points. So often, I know the general things that are better, or that need work, but the steps toward improvement are harder to make stick.

I've let myself off the hook for years. "Play to my strengths," I tell myself. "You're doing your best," I say encouragingly. I defined myself as organizationally challenged, so not meeting goals or having unrealistic timelines for accomplishments was just "me being me," and therefore ok.

This permitted mediocrity has become a little tiresome. Life is about living what I believe. I can do anything I put my mind to--maybe with some creative skirting around obstacles, and maybe with some unexpected side trips on the way--but my attitude and willingness to hold myself to high expectations are the keys to my success. Right now, true, I am not an organizational genius. I have no need to become someone who has every second pinned down, and a house so perfectly ordered I can do a magazine shoot with no warning. But I can streamline my life so that it works for me. And then I can better work for others.

Living a life of integrity means you do what you believe. No compromise. If I've been given life as a blessing, I'm supposed to do something with it. I have to be striving for something. I have to move in the direction of my beliefs. Right now, issues in my life make it hard to be of service to my friends, family, and the world.  I've had enough.

So starting now, I'm making new baselines. New levels that I have to meet to be ok with myself. I may change the standards as I tweak the system, but I won't let the standards go. I won't break appointments with myself for goal setting and evaluating without a true emergency. I will keep an up-to-date chart showing progress toward different goals. I will tackle laundry, bills, and other obnoxious parts of life at regular intervals because I hate falling behind. I will rest when I need to, and not feel guilty. There will be set exercise in my life, and there will be things I will not eat--starting now.

I don't like these new resolutions. But I hate seeing the person I want to be languishing. Years have passed. I'm not as young as I used to be. Time will run out someday. I've got things to do.

How about you? Do you have goals you've let slide? Are they really important to you? If they aren't important, throw them out. If they are, do whatever it takes to get to them. Life is too short to ignore your dreams.

Smiling Really Can Make You Happy!

Photo Credit: Anissat

One of my favorite new books is Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking (affiliate link). It describes the many ways that our brains process information unconsciously, and how we make decisions based on those processes. One of the sources of this subconscious information is the arsenal of microexpressions we translate from other's faces. In the book, Malcolm Gladwell highlights the work of Paul Eckman and Wallace Friesen, two researchers who have mapped out The Facial Action Coding System, a system to codify microexpressions by describing the muscle movements that accompany each emotional expression. To create these "maps," they practiced making the faces for joy, exhilaration  anger, sadness, etc., in front of mirrors and in front of each other. To their surprise, they found their emotional state was affected by what faces they spent the day making. On days they worked on anger or other less pleasant emotions, they felt angry, depressed, or other unpleasant feelings. On happier expression days, they felt uplifted.