Do You Want What You Have?

Photo by trubluboy

This post was originally done on my Life Facilitator Blog, now retired. I stumbled on it today, and decided to bring it over to Teresa Y Green.

I am a recovering longer. Many people who know me will find this amusing, since I am shorter than most people. But by "longer," I mean I habitually long for things I don't have. In no particular order, right now I'm longing for cooler weather, health for my patients, a to-do list that gets checked off each day, more disposable income, a new car, to feel comfortable and close with all my talented friends, to finish my book, organize my home and office, and to buy new clothes. I could go on, but you get the idea.

Many of those things are worthy, or at least not bad goals. But reaching for them has not left me fulfilled and happy. Instead, this continual list of wants, needs, and "should-do's" leaves me ill at ease, and feeling I can never just let down and enjoy myself.

Somewhere deep in the ole noggin' I once decided that being comfortable with your here-and-now equates to not taking life seriously. So when I try to have fun, it must also serve some "useful" purpose. Meaning even my fun was a burden.

There is a song, Knee Deep in a River, and Dying of Thirst, about only appreciating what you have when it's gone. I didn't want to look back and see I was living that song.

So I decided to go radical. If cornered, I will readily admit that my life is pretty sweet. I work for myself, set my own hours, and have more control over my time than most people, even if I don't use that control as much as I'd like. I have a fine husband who understands me, appreciates my sense of humor, and likes having me around. He cooks for me! I live in a convenient place that is attractive to pull into at night, and have a short commute. What if instead of constantly trying to improve where I am in life, I start wanting what I have?

So I've been at it for about a week. Surprisingly, (or not, if you are wiser than me), I have:

• slept better;
• felt more equilibrium;
• gotten several "to-do" projects I've been putting off done;
• made more money; and
• enjoyed my days more.

 I recommend gratitude all the time, to patients, my husband, friends, and anyone who will listen. I did not realized until this week, though, that I saw gratitude as a duty. "Better be thankful for food, or maybe you won't have any" is not really wanting what you have. It's trying to appease some angry god who in no way resembles the God I believe in.

Wanting what you have is real gratitude. It is also a choice. I was surprised to find I look at everything from the lens of how I can improve it. My poor husband has a checklist by his face in my mind, as does my cat, my office, my writing, my time management, any good deeds I perform--and raising the bar on my accomplishment is always a goal.

Last week I started the process of letting that go. This week, I am simply enjoying what is there. My husband is a blessing just as he is. My cat loves me more than anything else on earth. . .except fresh chicken, but I can live with that. My work is aimed at helping others, and I love doing it. And while I suppose doing good deeds because you feel they are expected is better than none at all, I am focusing on enjoying the ability to serve others rather than looking for the "goodest good deed" I can find to do.

It's a little scary to let so much pressure off myself. But it's also exhilarating! When I feel the need to beat myself up for something that isn't done, or done the way I want it, I simply pull back and remind myself, "This week we're trying out wanting what we have. This situation/interaction/experience is something we have. What can I do, or how can I think about, so that I want it?"

It's all part of my growing in aggressive positivity. Optimism creates zeal and joy, and zeal and joy are what I've sometimes been missing in my relentless pursuit of improvement. What I have in my life is positive, and focusing on those positives will allow them to grow. Please let me know in the comments what strategies you use to stay grateful and want what you have.

The Emergency Attitude Adjustment

I have been tearful. A few projects have not been going as planned, and so today, frustrated one time too many by an annoying bump in the road, I cried--runny nose, crinkled up face, whiny voice, smeared makeup--the whole package of female-dom that has had it.

There was a time when I spent much of my life in this state. The feeling that life had shortchanged me in some way dominated my thoughts. A pretty day or happy surprise might buoy me up for a day, or a week, but my overriding thought was that I needed to have, do, or be more than I was.

Years of life, of therapy, of reading, of praying, and of emulating those who seemed to have more keys to happiness  has helped me see there is no virtue in constant criticism--of myself or others. I try to consciously fill my mind with uplifting thoughts, words, and images to minimize the influence of old thought patterns bent on tearing me down.

Yet sometimes, I'm snot-nosed in the bathroom, crying that it just isn't fair.

So I have developed The Emergency Attitude Adjustment. As soon as I realize I have let hopelessness, discouragement, or doubt overtake me, I turn to these steps to return to the road to positivity. Since we all have moments like these, I offer these points to pull yourself out of a well of unhappiness or self-pity:

Three Tips to Get Back Up When Life Knocks You Down

Things don't always "come up roses."

Today has been a rough day Chez Green. Something happened that took the wind clean out of my sails. Nothing earth-shattering, just an unexpected hassle that I thought I had taken steps to avoid. In the past few days, I've had other frustrations that I managed well. But this one popped the balloon, broke the camel's back, crushed my spirit for the day. It made all the other problems zoom back into focus, and now I find myself literally stooped, finding it hard to lift my head.

My dear husband tried to help.
"This problem isn't a big deal."
"It's going to be ok.."
"You can't let something minor like this tear you up."

But for whatever reason, being caught off guard has me smacked down today. I've moped and groused and cried and fumed, and now I'm ready to learn. Just how do you fight a disappointment--whether severe or severely minor?

1. Accept where you are. This one is hard for me. I don't like to admit I'm in "a wee bit o' a snit," even more so if my problems are for something I could have prevented. And I'm often afraid of seeing how bad a problem is, so I try to ignore it and hope it goes away. But, as this article on acceptance points out, you can't deal with something you can't accept. Most problems are not as bad as you imagine them to be.
2. Look for inspiration. I went to QuoteGarden.com, and searched "disappointment," which led me to "inspirational adversity quotes."  There I found lots of good advice, everything from "birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them?" (Rose Kennedy) to "If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes."  (The Houghton Line, November 1965). After reading the page, I sat up a little straighter and felt a bit more resilient. You can also call a friend or mentor, or go over your successes in your mind.
3. Look to your beliefs. Do you believe you'll be rewarded in some way for doing the right thing? Do you believe you have a mission to complete? Do you believe your attitude affects your reality? Then live like you believe. If you know negativity is an issue for you, and want to change, then the best time to start is in a negative state. Find an uplifting sentence to repeat, or a verse of poetry to write out. I sat down to write this blog, knowing I don't really believe the day/week/month is wasted because of one disappointment. 

I hope these points help you in your own fight against disappointment. If so, please share or comment!

Photo credit: Teresa Y Green

Life's About Flow

Photo by Teresa Y Green

Flow. Some people call it the Zone, finding your groove, or moving forward. That wonderful, timeless feeling when you are in the middle of something and it's going well. In Chinese medicine, we call it the free movement of Qi.

When you are in a state of Flow, you are content. You are not worried about tomorrow, you're excited about today. You are in the moment, enjoying the immediacy of life because you are doing what you were meant to do.

There is plenty to read about reaching a state of flow, but the masters of flow are the creators of Chinese medicine. With qigong, acupuncture, herbal medicine and lifestyle tips, Chinese medicine has specialized in cultivating the feel of flow for thousands of years.

To have better FLOW, here are a few simple tips:

• Move around. You don't have to run marathons or have six-pack abs to get the benefits of exercise. Movement facilitates qi movement, whether it's dancing to the radio or taking a long walk. Qi movement helps stress, lessens pain, and balances your entire body. Take the stairs, park a little farther away, and wiggle in the car while you sing to your favorite song.
• Don't squash emotions. In Chinese medicine, emotional upheaval is one of the causes of most illnesses. Having strong emotions you don't process in some way will wreck your hormones, hurt your immune system, and rob you of sleep--which can contribute to anything from heart disease to obesity. If you find yourself often feeling sad, angry, or numb, you probably have something going on emotionally. Talk to a minister or therapist, write about it in a journal, or call your least crazy friend. Dealing with emotions as they come up will make your life calmer, and give you room to better enjoy the pleasant emotions of happiness, anticipation, and love.
• Go outside. Nature is a. . .well. . .naturally healing place. Hearing birds sing, feeling the breeze on your face, and the ground under your feet reminds you that the world around you goes on whether your boss is mad at you or not. Looking at the stars can remind you that most of your problems are small. And looking at clouds connects you to your childhood sense of wonder.

Flow is my thing, and is a continual lifestyle challenge and goal. I can help you find more flow in your life. By looking at the whole picture--a holistic view--we can put the pieces of family, work, health, fun, home and hearth and everything in between together. If you feel like your life is out of balance or if you feel stuck, I can help. When you need other expertise, I have talented friends and colleagues for you to work with and learn from. If you have changes you'd like to make, give me a call or drop an email. I am eager to help.

Living in Balance: A Chinese Medicine Primer

Photo from stock.xchng

Balance is Key
Chinese Medicine is based on the principle of living in harmony with the world around you. Adjusting your life so it is in balance with your health, the outside world, and your values will lead to a happier, more satisfying life.

• The basic principle of Chinese Medicine is balance.  You should not be too hot or too cold, but “just right.”  You should not be restless and jumpy, or exhausted, but calmly energetic.  You should balance activity and rest so your muscles are exercised but you are not exhausted.
• Living in harmony with your personal constitution can also enhance your well-being.  If you have a chronic illness, catch cold easily, or tire easily, you need to be more careful of your health.  Build more rest into your schedule and minimize stress.
• Decide to live life according to your beliefs.  Few things are more stressful than ignoring your dreams every day. Decide what you want your life to be about, and focus on building that future for yourself.

Living Harmoniously with the Weather
It sounds like common sense, but it can really help your health and comfort.  Here are some tips, along with some of the problems associated with different kinds of seasonal changes.

• Temperature: If it’s hot, wear lightweight comfortable clothes, and if it’s cold wear warmer clothes.  Try to stay dry in wet weather, and avoid extremely hot or cold temperatures.   
• Wear a scarf on windy days:  wind is associated with increased headaches and other pains in Chinese Medicine, as well as with catching cold more easily.
• A hot environment (whether an overheated room or a hot summer day) aggravates anxiety, restlessness, and insomnia.  Those with acid reflux or migraines may find them worse in hot temperatures as well.  
• Cold tends to increase stiffness, pain and digestive problems.
• Damp weather aggravates lethargy, edema, allergies, and foggy thinking.

Eating for Health AND Enjoyment
Chinese Medicine strongly emphasizes proper food choices to maintain health.  

• Have all food or drink room temperature or warmer.  Your stomach acts like a soup pot.  It should constantly and slowly “cook” food so all your body systems can “come and eat” and use that energy to live your life.  Eating cold food forces your body to use more energy to digest food, and often digestion is incomplete, leading to excess mucus, stomach or abdominal pain, and bloating. 
• Eat in peaceful surroundings. Scientists now know that stressful situations cause your body to make hormones that affect your digestion.  While managing stress throughout your day is important, try especially to have peaceful meals and peaceful rest.
• Eat according to your situation.  If you are in frail health, you should eat very well cooked, easy to digest foods.  If you feel cold, emphasize warming foods, such as cinnamon or ginger, as part of an overall balanced diet.  If you are hot, emphasize cooling foods (that are served room temperature or warmer) such as green tea, mint, and green leafy vegetables. 
• Eat food that is as unprocessed as possible.  Try to avoid artificial ingredients, such as preservatives, artificial sweeteners, colors, and flavorings.  Opt instead for natural sweeteners (if you cannot have sugar you can use stevia or agave nectar ), and foods that are freshly prepared.  Emphasizing vegetables, simply cooked meat, and water or fresh-brewed tea over processed chips, soda, and frozen meals helps you digest your food more easily.

How an Acupuncturist can Help
As you can see, Chinese Medicine focuses on living in harmony with the environment.  But if you have a chronic illness, you may be “out of balance” in several areas.  An acupuncturist trained in Chinese Medicine can help you improve your health using gentle techniques such as acupuncture and Chinese herbal formulas.  

Acupuncture is the use of tiny, sterile, disposable needles on points along meridians to improve health.  A regular course of acupuncture visits can help most chronic illnesses, especially those involving depression, anxiety, digestive problems, fatigue, or any illness aggravated by stress--and what illness is not helped by reducing stress?  Chinese herbal medicine can be of great help in this process by gently giving your body the raw materials it needs for health.

I Want to be Alone

Photo Credit: trubluboy

I am cranky today. I admit it. My husband is trying to be sociable, asking me questions to show he is interested in me and my day. I do not want to answer these questions. I want quiet. I want to read by myself, and write by myself. I want, in short, to be alone.

Christine Lavin wrote a funny song about this desire, and in the end decides being alone eventually becomes being lonely, so she thinks better of it. I will, too. But right now, a world without another person or animal craving my attention, affection, help, or action seems wonderfully attractive.

Why should this be so? The world, it seems, is made of introverts and extroverts. I've known this ever since I took the Myers-Briggs Personality Profile  in college. My results showed me right on the introvert/extrovert line, leaning slightly toward introversion. I usually don't notice how this affects my personality until I have a lot of time either alone or with others. This week, I've had to be "on" a lot in business. Seeing lots of people, many of them new faces, trying to remember all the relevant facts you need in business interactions--names, details, running your words through a filter to be as congenial as possible. 

It left me drained, even though I usually find working with people rewarding and energizing. So this week, I come home, craving the quiet I expect with my also-introverted husband. . .and he's been alone too much. He wants to talk. He wants to connect. He wants interaction. He tries to be funny. I struggle not to snap at him.

Is there a lesson, or an encouragement, to be pulled from this limited time of tension in the Green household? Here's what I've gleaned:

• People need what they need. Trying to be happy and cheerful in the face of demanding (or even not-so-demanding) patients and spouses and friends will only have limited rewards. If it's downtime you need, make some downtime. If you can't take a day and a book and head to your bedroom, then take 15 minutes in the middle of the day and run away, or go for a walk. Take five minutes and hide in the bathroom, if that's the best you can do. Take some time to be alone. Close your eyes. Breathe deeply. Recharge. Repeat as necessary.
• Realize it could just be you. When I was younger and people got on my nerves, I immediately assumed that the people were irritating, or intentionally pestering me. Now I realize that the attention I want to flee today is the same attention I usually crave. It is not fair to my husband, or the patients who have the right to expect a friendly demeanor, to blame them for my state. Situations like these are exactly the reason that self-care is so important. If you don't give yourself what you need, you aren't the only one who is miserable. Anyone within earshot--or in this day and age, within Facebook, Twitter, or e-mail contact--will be affected by your bad mood.
• No one is perfect, and you can only expect so much. My crankiness reminds me that other people will not always be predictable and friendly, either. Whether illness leaves a friend feeling less than one hundred percent, or a serious stress distracts a server at a restaurant, we live among humans. Cutting each other some slack is part of our job as fellow beings. So smile and give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

Thankfully, Jim has found a book to read, and I am (almost) happily typing away, immersed in my own writing world. Tomorrow I will probably want to grouse about not going out, and not being around people for an outing. For tonight, I will get ready for bed, and curl up and sleep, or sit and stare at the ceiling and think, or find a book and read--any activity that only needs me. Being alone, or being allowed to not interact with the wonderful person who shares my life, will allow me to recharge my body and soul and be ready to embrace the world and my husband again very soon.

How can you tell that it's time for you to regroup and get centered? Please share in the comments!

Chinese Medicine and Stress

From stock.xchang

Stress, stress, stress--everyone has stress! We spend our days hunched over computers, worrying about money, and time, and work, and whether we remembered to turn off the stove. The dilated pupils and raised pulse that are reactions to stress are designed to protect us from danger, giving us the option of fight or flight. However, modern stresses are rarely solved by running or hiding. Instead, our bodies' natural defense system confuses our endocrine system, puts pressure on our heart, and upsets our digestive systems.

Chinese medicine has been around long before cell phones, computers, and triple-shot espressos, and it has a lot to offer our stressed-out world. We see stress symptoms as a combination of blocked energy and a wearing down of our reserves. Chinese medicine treats these symptoms using a combination of herb and food therapies, acupuncture and bodywork, and lifestyle suggestions. Here are a few of the ideas we use to treat stress: